Welcome to My Jaded Reality
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So I'm Not Your Average ParentTuesday, June 9th, 2009
I've spent the majority of my life being underestimated, for so many reasons. Because I'm a woman, because I had blond hair, because I like to laugh and have fun, because I'm not ugly, because I had a drinking problem, because I come from a rocky past, because I have 5 children, because I'm not rich ... the list goes on. I've always fought against it, while gritting my teeth and going out of my way to prove people wrong, acting solely out of spite if not the desire to succeed where people assume I should fail. I've discovered the only thing more obnoxious than being underestimated: having the abilities of my children underestimated. I am NOT your average parent. I did not go into this thinking that children were to be seen and not heard, or that children were mindless drones with no thoughts of their own. I've spent the last 14 years enforcing some major rules with my kids, and am happy to know that they stuck. Want some examples? 1. I did not teach my children to respect their elders. That's a bullshit rule that I wholeheartedly disagree with. I taught them to respect people who DESERVE respect, and that they have every right to demand the respect from those they give it to. Respect should NOT be blindly granted, regardless of age. It should be earned. If someone is acting disrespectfully, even if they're 90 years old and wearing a veterans uniform, why should my children be forced to smile and be polite? Shouldn't they have the option to look at him and say "you're being rude and I don't have to put up with it"? 2. I did not teach my children the cardinal rule of "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all." Instead, I taught them that what you don't speak out against, you condone. I raised them to speak their minds, in all matters, and that their opinions count. I taught them that one person can ALWAYS make a difference, no matter how small or large the situation, if only they raise their voices. 3. I taught my children that there is no such thing as "I can't" or "giving up". Those are two responses I have never allowed in my house. Of COURSE you can, you just haven't found the right way yet. If there's no straight path from Point A to Point B, and you think you're stuck, it's only because you haven't considered finding a shortcut. There is ALWAYS a way ... it just might mean getting creative and thinking outside the box. 4. I did not teach my children to adhere to authority blindly. Unlike when I was a child and we were taught "the police are your friends", I taught my children the reality of the situation, that no, not all the police are your friends, and that you need to be suspicious until you know otherwise. Unfortunate fact of life, folks. I taught them that teachers make mistakes, that police are sometimes the bad guys, and that authority figures don't always have your best interests at heart. As a result, they learned to stand up to authority figures, with full confidence, when they feel they have a right to do so. There are others, but for the sake of this note, these are all that matter. See, instead of having timid little kids that rely on Mommy and Daddy to do the adult stuff for them, I have confident young people with complicated problem solving skills that come to me for advice instead of coming to me to fix their problems for them. I gave them the tools, I expect them to use them. And, as a result of my not-so-average approach to raising children, these are situations my kids have gotten into that make me so incredibly proud, AND make me well aware that these are not kids to be underestimated. Warren - A few years ago, in Catholic school, his teacher told the class that Einstein was a Christian. Warren promptly came home, printed out a few sheets off the computer, went to class the next day and corrected the teacher, in front of the class. His teacher called me to praise him for it. - A man walking past our house dropped a styrofoam coffee cup on our lawn and kept walking. Warren picked up the cup, jumped on his bike, caught up to the guy (an adult), handed it back to him and said, "I believe this is yours?" Needless to say the guy was flabbergasted. - Last year when that ridiculous teachers aide (coincidentally, it was the one in the news recently for cutting that kids hair!!!!) called Dilico on us (the start of the whole mess), and they interviewed the kids, they asked Warren if he had anything to say. His response was, "Yes I do actually. Why do you keep coming in here and disrespecting my family when there are kids who actually do need your help?" - Dealing with our legal situation last year, the kids have met with their lawyer a few times, the lawyer who misrepresented herself in court by saying she'd met with the kids for an hour each. At the last meeting, the lawyer asked the kids if they had any questions. Warren immediately piped up with, "Yeah. Why did you lie about us in court?" Raeanne - Ran her own website at 8 years old - Started an animal rescue by the time she was 9 years old. - First week at a new school, 12 years old, and is accepted by a group of girls (hard to adjust to a new school and find new friends) After one week, the girls told her she could only hang out with them if she dressed and acted like them. Even with them being the only kids Raeanne knew, her response was to laugh hysterically and walk away. - Has gotten into heated debates with friends regarding animal rights and convinced them that their position was completely wrong. - At 13, is raising $5,000 for a dog rescue, and willing to shave off her hair to do it. Jennifer Erm ... I could go point by point here, but anyone familiar with my family knows that Jennifer has no problem whatsoever standing up to authority figures, lol. In fact, I dare say she goes a little overboard. *shudder* You know, I could do this for hours, for each one of them. Even Joshua, at 8 years old, isn't afraid to speak his mind, to anyone at anytime. A fortunate side effect of being an opinionated woman is raising opinionated children. And, they say these traits gain strength with each generation. I've seen it proven true. If I'm confident, they're ten times more so. If I have strong opinions, there's are concrete. Underestimating me is silly. Underestimating them is stupid.
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